Enviro-Rant deux

Enviro Rant II

The Recycle Nazi is back! Yep, I'm still judgmental and inflexible. But so are you, cheez whiz – have you stopped eating meat yet?!?! I didn't think so.

- Use less Toilet Paper. Yes, I know – horror of horrors. Try to use one square less, I'm sure you can "spare a square," to quote Seinfeld! And buy recycled, sustainable source paper products for your house, or consider jettisoning paper altogether. We always use cloth napkins, for example.

- No more bottled water!!! I know, it's anathema to the health crowd, but the fact is that recycling those trillions of plastic bottles, when it even happens, it inefficient. A lot of energy and materials are lost in the conversion. Also, did you ever consider the amount of energy it takes to ship that water from Fiji, brainiac?!?

- "There's too many people on the bus from the airport
Too many holes in the crust of the earth
The planet groans
Every time it registers another birth" - Paul Simon, 'Born at the Right Time'

OK, there are far too many people in the world, around 6.5 billion at last count. The vast majority of the world's problems boil down to one issue, and that is over-population. Carl Sagan writes very persuasively on this, tying it to feminism – the more women are educated, the less children and sexual diseases they have; it's a direct correlation. Anyways, when the environment collapses and the coastal regions flood, we will have a global refugee population numbering in the HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS. More and more people are fighting over limited resources, and it's always the animals and natural biosphere that miss out.

So, I have one word for you – CONDOMS. That's right, condoms are much cheaper than an abortion and inordinately cheaper than kids. You may think the real problem in overpopulation comes from Africa or India, but think how many people you know that have more than 2 kids. You spend 100,000$ for in-vitro fertilization that takes years and is hell on the woman's body – try adoption!!! I have four adopted cousins and they are all winners; for medical and political reasons, my husband and I will be adopting. Why add to the problem when you can subtract from it? There are just too many people in the world. No one needs more than 1 or 2 kids, it's just selfish, greedy and excessive in this day and age.

- Think outside the box! Here is a perfect example. I eat in Asian restaurants all the time, and you might too – so think about all the disposable chopsticks that get wasted every day. I carry my own, heavy-duty pair around with me. My friend Todd brought them back to me from Thailand and they come in a gorgeous coconut-fiber case.

- The Porcelain throne. OK, this is not classy at all, but it's a small price to pay. Ever heard the phrase "if it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down"? Flushing wastes a tremendous amount of water (I HATE those fucking automatic flushes that rip the second you move) so why not save flushing for when you need it?

- Cameron Diaz is a fucking genius! OK, stay with me here. White reflects heat and dark absorbs it, so the more we heat the earth, the more the ice caps melt, and the less white surface there is to reflect solar radiation, which speeds global warming. This is a horrid and negative feedback loop. I read an interview with her (I think) where she just suggested everyone in the world paint their roof white. Genius! It could work, and a grant from a large organization, like the Gates Foundation, could do it.

- To the moon, Alice. This gives me the absolute shudders. Reputable scientists, like Stephen Hawking, are exploring the real possibility of colonizing another planet or moon (including our own). This is even a worse idea then starting a land war in Asia. I call it DPS -- Disposable Planet Syndrome. What ever happened to "you break it, you buy it"? Haven't we fucked up this planet enough?

More to report later in June, I am going to several environmental panels at my 10-year college reunion at Oberlin....